Brit TV: Big Brother
Ok, so maybe I'm childish but seeing the rather large Kinga trying to hoist herself up onto a bucking bronco on Big Brother was one of THE FUNNIEST TELEVISION MOMENTS I HAVE EVER SEEN!! I actually almost soiled myself...i mean...um...cried laughing...yeah..cried laughing....
For more info on the story click HERE
Also, can someone explain to me why the public chose to save Eugene over Derek??? What the hell has Eugene done? Except be irritating and mind numbingly boring...thats like someone choosing to poke themselves in the eye instead of eat a cake, it makes no sense!
Brit Annoyance: J.K. Rowling
Seriously, I just don't get this woman...she is insanely successful, richer than the Queen (worth over 280 million pounds), has had her imagination brought to life through a film...and yet she constantly looks like someone just ran over her dog.
I swear I have never seen this woman smile...they say money doesn't buy happiness, but 280 BLOODY MILLION DOES...If you can't smile then go and buy a happy person's face and have it grafted over your own. She is partly the reason why I hate Harry Potter, I'm not giving this woman any more money to be grumpy with....geeez..
Brit Shocker: She's BAAAAACK!
Hey guys, you caught me...popping down the road for some milk in my bikini made of candy necklaces...
Of course I'll pose for you, I'm a sweetie...get it?...sweetie? cos I'm wearing sweets...hahahah..I'm so funny.....
Oh my gosh, you didn't need to give me an award for being funny....thanks...you guys are so kind...
Ooops..bit of a candy wedgie.......ooh fizzy...
What can you say? Anyone who wears an entire outift that can be eaten demands some respect...well I'm off to buy a broccoli speedo...
Brit Temper: Naomi Campbell
Celebrity rage-a-holic Naomi Campbell is embroiled in yet another drama, police in Rome are investigating claims that she assaulted fellow model and long time friend Yvonne Scio (pictured above). Naomi allegedly flew into a rage over what Ms. Scio was wearing and began to swear at her before punching and kicking her repeatedly. Yesterday a police spokesman, Domenico Condello, stated, "I can confirm that an allegation of assault against Naomi Campbell has been made by Yvonne Scio. She came to the police station and she had cuts to her lip and had been treated in hospital. She said that Naomi had insulted her and attacked her after an argument over some clothes she was wearing. We have taken a full statement from Ms Scio and we will be checking her claims with Naomi Campbell."
Ms. Scio's lawyer Annamaria De Pace stated "it was unbelievable, all over something she was wearing, this was a completely unprovoked atack of violence without any motive at all." She added "Yvonne is in bed in a lot of pain. Her face is in a terrible way. Her lip was split and she lost a lot of blood. She is an actress so she will not be able to work for a while so we will also be looking for loss of earnings."
Naomi's spokesman issued a strenuous denial, admitting that there was a disagreement but that the supermodel had been "mistakenly dragged into a potential drama."
I find it quite amazing the number of people that Naomi has "mistakenly" assaulted...with phones, handbags and her fists..thats some mighty bad luck she's having...
Brit Scandal: Sienna pregnant?
The latest development in the Sienna-Jude-Tramp nanny saga is the "revelation" that Sienna Miller is allegedly six weeks pregnant with Jude Law's child. According to contactmusic.com, Sienna and Jude told the news to Sienna's parents in London just two days before Jude's affair became public. According to Star magazine "She [and Jude had] discussed names for the baby," a friend tells Star. Now, Law "had destroyed any chance they had of bringing up the baby together."
Star also reports that during his marriage to Sadie Frost Jude cheated on her with 6 other women....SIX!!!!! One is bad enough!! According to Star they were - "a model, a celebrity's assistant, two A-list stars, a rock star's ex-wife and a lap dancer"
I smell an upcoming confession that Jude Law is suffering from a "sex addiction"
...which is really just a nice way of saying he is a dirty manwhore...
Brit Royalty: Princess Beatrice
Princess Beatrice, daughter of Sarah "toesucker" Ferguson is commemorating her upcoming 17th birthday by giving her first official interview to Tatler magazine. She also had an accompanying photoshoot where she was styled by the infamous Isabella Blow. I've seen the complete set of photos and have to be honest, she looks pretty great. In the interview she seems pretty down to earth and even *shock* funny. Lets hope she doesnt do a William and be good looking for about a year before morphing into a cross between Prince Charles and a horse.
Here are some quotes from the interview courtesy of the BBC, I will post the full set of pictures once they are officially published later this month:
"I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's," she said. "I love being who I am and feel very happy with that."
"A lot of it is quite normal, scooting around the supermarket with a shopping trolley and things like that. With one parent being a prince and the other being an amazing sort of..."
"Commoner?" her mother interrupted.
"Amazing sort of business woman is what I was going to say," Beatrice said.
The teenage princess described her grandmother the Queen as "the most amazing woman anyone could ever meet" whom she "loved to bits".
Beatrice also said she spent her free time watching Desperate Housewives and the OC..I thought Royalty spent all their free time sitting on their giant thrones and ordering their servants to put fresh flowers in their Bentlys ready for the polo match..but give a princess a TV and shes happy...
Brit Style: The Burb'
Once the staple of the British aristocracy the image of the classic Burberry check has been somewhat tarnished in recent years. In an apparant attempt to show their "class" the check has been adopted by every chav in sight. No respectable human being would ever be seen wearing the Burberry check anymore, unless their name is Darren and they had to drop out of school because they got their 13 year old girlfriend pregnant..
Snobby, maybe..true, yes. I decided, for no apparent reason to see how far the chavgaggles have infiltrated the Burb..you may be quite shocked...
There is of course the Burberry cap
The bag..everyone in Essex has one..
The shirt worn by your typical high class consumer
The umbrella, i suspect used more for beating people while mugging them than rain protection
The dogbed...even classier
even Gollum is getting in on the action...
For gaming freaks, who I am guessing don;'t have jobs
and finally the ultimate status symbol, what better way to show you have made it?
If I ever see another person wearing the Burberry check I won't be responsible for my actions
Brit Movies: Creep
Ok, so I finally got up the nerve to watch "Creep", also known as "the film where I realised I am a total baby". For those of you who don't know the film centres around a killer who stalks victims on the London underground system. It follows one woman (with the worlds most annoying accent..I'm all for diversity but most of the time it sounded like she was just making up words!) after she is accidentally locked in an Underground station after dark (thats what drinking miniture bottles of vodka on a station does!)
The film is absolutely terrifying and as a film geek I really enjoyed the camera angles and lighting, not to mention the loooooong periods of silence that are so much more scary than a dramatic score. As much as it is a good film it has pretty much ruined my life, I got scared by a shampoo bottle earlier as I somehow convinced myself that the killer had got into my apartment....to conclude I will treat you to some quotes that were uttered during the watching of the film..
"Oh my god, I'm having a nervous breakdown"
"its BALD ITS BALD...WHY IS IT BALD???"
"Let's never leave the house again"
"I think I peed"
"If I was her I would have killed myself by now"
"Its poking her...make it stop"
"Is she German?"
"eeeew..he can't even put gloves on.."
After the film finished:
"Can we all go to the toilet together??"
...and we did....
STOP THE PRESSES!
I was confronted by this abomination when shopping for my usual weekly stack of 20 magazines. My genuine first impression was one of fear and then revulsion. What the hell is it? a drag queen? a lizard? WHAT? She looks like she is going to jump out of the magazine and eat my soul using her reptilian tongue...someone from Cosmo must really hate Fergie.