Suri Holmes Cruise on Myspace!

Yes, it's true..even though she is only a few days old, cannot read, write or even lift her head up, Suri Holmes Cruise has a profile on myspace. She details her penchant for Gangsta Rap and the truth about her mommy and daddy!

Head on over to www.myspace.com/suriholmescruise and add her, otherwise she will set Xenu on you!

posted by BritBoy @ 10:12 PM 2 comments

The many faces of the Lohan

I didn't think it was possible for someone to make such a huge transformation in the space of one week..I guess I was wrong...



Here is The Lohan looking like a drugged out Harijuku serial killer..



..and then a few days later looking the best she has in years leaving a photoshoot..

She is like Jeckyll and Hyde..if Jeckyll was a freakish imp like creature that wore animal ears..and Hyde was a fiery haired voluptuous love goddess...

I don't know if I am frightened or turned on..kind of like the time that Barbara Walters offered to give me a back massage..

posted by BritBoy @ 10:09 PM 0 comments

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOUR MAJESTY!

How could I have forgotten? Yesterday was the Queen's 80th birthday..Like all British people I take the Queen's birthday very seriously...I dress in a Tuxedo all day, bake her a cake and wrap presents for her. Then in the evening I dress up in a tiara and a shawl, pretend that inanimate objects around my home are members of the royal family and open all the presents and eat the entire cake myself while sitting in my bathtub.

I am then invariably very ill and realise that I have just engaged in transvestism while talking to a ceiling fan that I was convinced was Princess Anne

For some reason I repeat this hideous and mentally disturbing tradition every year..and since I forgot yesterday you know what that means...

Yes I am dressed as an 80 year old woman, eating Angel Food cake batter in my bathtub..

Don't judge me..

posted by BritBoy @ 9:59 PM 3 comments

Orlando Bloom is this close to being a cold blooded killer...

Ok, so Orlando Bloom can't drive. Apparently he nearly killed a scooter rider during a collision on Monday. According to contactmusic:

"THE LORD OF THE RINGS heart-throb was driving in London on Monday morning (17APR06) when he reportedly pulled out in front of swimming instructor SLAWOMIR SZYDLOWSKI, who was riding his motorcycle. Swimming instructor Szydlowski, 28, says, "It's only good luck that I'm here to tell the tale. He can't have looked in his mirrors. I flew off and hit the ground hard, rolling three times. If there'd been a car coming the other way, I'd be dead."

How did Orlando apologize...maybe ride along to the hospital to see if he was ok? Buy him a new motorbike? Pay his medical bills?Hell, even slip him some cash? ...NO...HE GAVE HIM HIS FREAKIN AUTOGRAPH!!!

"When an ambulance arrived to whisk Szydlowski, who suffered deep cuts and internal bleeding, to hospital, Bloom jumped in the back and scribbled a note saying, 'Sorry mate!' and signed it. Szydlowski adds, "We both had to give breath tests. He did ring to check I was all right."

I have to say that this probably wasn't the optimum situation for Orlando to give someone his autograph...Although If I was mown down in the middle of the street by Orlando Bloom I probably wouldn't just want his autograph..I'd blackmail him into letting me swap lives with him...I'd lock him in a dungeon while I got paid $992834892355467 dollars to pout on top of a horse and shake my lustrous hair...

So you better look out Orlando..the next time you back out of your driveway without looking and someone leaps out in front of your car, that someone will be me...

Also, in future may I suggest an alternative form of transport?



Much better...

posted by BritBoy @ 1:42 AM 9 comments

SURI HOLMES CRUISE IS BORN!

Oh my gosh! It finally happened..Katie Holmes exploded! Well, she gave birth at least. A little baby girl named "Suri", meaning "Princess" in Hebrew or "Red Rose" in Persian..and I'm guessing "Scientology's biggest future donor" in Scientology language was born at 3am on Tuesday. According to TomKat's publicist the mother and baby are doing well and Suri weighed 7 lbs 7 oz and was 20 inches in length.

Earlier in the week Tom stated that he would be eating the placenta after Katie gave birth. "I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm going to eat the cord and the placenta right there."

I just have this image of poor Suri being ushered into a world where her mother is silent and won't speak to her for 7 days and her father devouring her afterbirth. Hopefully it will all be uphill for her from here...

Congratulations Tom and Katie...and RUN Suri RUN!

posted by BritBoy @ 11:39 PM 4 comments

Mariah frolics again...

How on earth could I have forgotten to post these? Oh that's right...because I was too busy scouring my eyes and disinfecting myself with bleach. I swear, if there is any goodness in this world I will never have to see absurdly posed photos of Mariah pissing about on the beach totally "unaware" of photographers.

Yes, I know when I'm on the beach and not being photographed I stick large pink butterflies just above my ass, romp with a puppy and splash myself with water while giggling like a schoolgirl.

But at least I do it in a bikini that fits...









She looks like a claymation figure come to life...hopefully she will be attacked by a giant dinosaur made of play-doh soon...

posted by BritBoy @ 11:05 PM 0 comments