Barfugly McWeaseltoes
 Wow. I realy didn't think it was possible for me to hate Sienna Miller any more, I took the anger management classes, I've done the deep breathing exercises, and I've told myself that we must coexist in this world and that she is a valuable human being. And then I see a photo of her and all I want to do is shout obscenities and pelt her with old fish heads. I have no idea what she is doing in these photos, except maybe seeing just how repulsive she can make herself. To be honest she hasn't really done anything in these pictures to warrant my hatred... Except maybe looking like a crackwhore version of the girl on the Wendy's fast food wrappers, or a man in drag, or the human version of a weasel...I could go on... Maybe it's time for me to head back to the clinic, but not before I post one more photo, I have no idea what she has to laugh about, someone probably called her BARFUGLY and she thought it meant "adorable"  I just vomited in my mouth.
ESPY'S party @ The Roosevelt
 In the normal world last night was a Tuesday night, but in Hollywood it was another excuse for a lavish party, for...um...something to do with sports and vodka... There were several ESPY's parties held across Hollywood including the playboy mansion and notorious celeb hangout the Roosevelt, which is where I ended up. Some highlights included: Bai Ling dancing like she was having a psychotic episode. Nick Lachey having 3 huge men shield him from people looking at him. Seeing Vanessa Minnillo, who is quite possibly one of the most beautiful people i have ever seen. Matthew Mcconaughey arriving in old Levis and a tee shirt because, well, he can. Tracey Morgan trying to hit on every girl there, literally. Haley Joel Osment all grown up. Vanessa Minnillo eventually getting totally wasted and falling all over the dancefloor, including nearly spilling her drink on me. DJ AM's amazingly eclectic set, took me a while to get into it but the more I think about it I really like his style. Busta Rhymes CRAZZZY performance Finally hearing Justin Timberlake's new single "Sexyback" which I am now playing on loop, song of the summer for sure. My sources from the other parties tell me that the playboy mansion was the expected debauchery with celebs such as...um..Nick and Aaron Carter taking part. But the true celeb hotspot of the night, which came as a bit of a surprise to everyone, was the new Karaoke night at Guy's which drew in Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Mary Kate Olsen and Kirsten Dunst...well, I know where I'll be next Tuesday.. Finally I couldn't post without the requisite red..actually blue... carpet pic of me and my friend Omid with our free gift bags of sports magazines (which i don't like) and vodka (which I don't like) Well, I guess it's the thought that counts, and the bags are a nice colour blue! Yes, I am wearing my requisite cap, but luckily not my aged Rolling Stones shirt. Oh, and the gansgtafied peace pose seemed like a good idea at the time! 
The Barbie and Ken reunion tour!
 Barbie and Ken, i mean..um...Kate Bosworth and Brandon Routh have been doing the rounds promoting "Superman Returns", a movie that I evidently was alone in liking. Now don't get me wrong, Barbie and Ken do look good together...  I just think a few adjustments could be made...  For example, maybe Brandon should take a trip to McDonald's and tell Ronald that he doesn't want his makeup advice anymore...  And I think that Kate needs a trip to McDonald's as well, but for a different reason  To stock up on some McNuggets and Hot fudge sundaes..for gods sake they have a 99 cent menu there now, there is no excuse to go hungry!  Finally Kate needs to have her head shaved poorly, some of her limbs disjointed and blue marker scrawled across her face, while Brandon needs to be put in a dress and savaged by a dog... Then they REALLY would be Barbie and Ken!
Holy mother of Lohan!
So, I joked in my last post that paparazzi pictures with me in them would surface...and they have! For some reason the paps didn't find Lindsay's backrubbing incident as enthralling as I did, but trust me if there are photos of that to be found anywhere I WILL BE THE ONE TO FIND THEM! To help you I have pointed myself out in the photos, I'm sure your gaze would have automatically be drawn to me anyway...thats called having star quality...  Clearly I look like a homicidal stalker  And I'm wearing the same shirt I wore to the pirates premiere...its my favourite shirt ok?  I am severely shocked by how creepy I look in these photos, I look like the kind of guy who rummages through celebrities garbage and then flees into the night holding a used piece of cotton wool.. and I've only ever done that once.
Living la vida Lohan!
Now, I'm not sure if i have some kind of Lohan radar as I ran into Lindsay Lohan at Chateau Marmont but only a few weeks ago..but..I ran into Ms. Lohan again this weekend for the second time! I was at Malibu country mart when all of a sudden a swarm of paparazzi descended on one store and started photographing like crazy. After peering in the window it became evident that the Lohan was inside shopping (naturally) and had drawn quite a crowd. When it came time for her to leave her assistants came out of the front of the shop and drove her car to the back...so obviously I walked to the back of the shop. Now, please bear in mind that I am nowhere near being a professional paparazzo and yet it took the pros another 2 minutes to figure out that she was coming out the back. By that time I was right near the door, poised and ready for the action to unfold...and oh the excitement I got! First a Lohan peep came out carrying a giant gold box, which for some reason I convinced myself Lohan was in to hide from the paparazzi  Then came several unexplained small children and a woman with large hair and a hat  THEN CAME LOHAN! Who for some reason walked right over to me and rubbed her back against me (I'm not even kidding)! All the paps went nuts so I am probably in hundreds of paparazzi shots around the world by now. I hope they tag the photos as "Lindsay Lohan with unidentified handsome male friend"  More back photos...  And finally her face! Well if she hadn't been wearing such a stupidly large hat it would be her face  and with that she jumped in her car and ordered "drive" to one of her minions and was gone like a flash  Now that I think about it, when I was at the Chateau I was seated behind Ms. Lohan and her seat back kept rubbing againt mine, now, the only conclusion I can draw is that I have some kind of animal magnetism that makes young starlets feel the urge to run up against me... Or she has fleas and I make a handy scratching post.
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